


Anger

by tca2545



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:45:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tca2545/pseuds/tca2545
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anger never goes away it just makes easier to breathe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anger

**Author's Note:**

> Not the best writing, but I love Laurel Lance. This is how I see her.

Mornings are the worst.  
That first moment when I open my eye, that is a great moment. In that first moment I am still living in my dream state. My dreams are always the good memories. In my dreams I remember my sister and my love for all the good, and none of the bad, they are forever memorialized in my dreams. Without fail though I always remember the truth.  
Then the anger arrives.

 

I am nothing if not consistent in my anger. It comes every day and it drives me to be better. It makes it easier to forget I miss them and will never see them again. Most importantly I forget they died together, betraying me. While I sat at home blissfully unaware and planning a future that would never happen.  
Being unaware brings on a whole other layer of angry. Everyone thinks they have the right to stare or ask how you didn’t know. In what moment was I supposed to know. When Oliver talked about the future, our future. When my sister would talk about being my maid of honor. When your boyfriend and sister are sleeping together they don’t throw a party to announce it. 

 

These were flawed people, so was I but I keep that to myself. My sister was jealous and annoyed I won the great prize of Oliver Queen. Not realizing that she may have had a crush on Oliver but while she was still a child growing up, me, Oliver and Tommy were already becoming a team. Ollie was an insecure and an immature man child. He lived under the shadow of his father and a sense of failure. Being faithful I learned was not one of his strong suits but every night he came to me for acceptance and peace. For some it may not have been enough but for me it was.  
In the end we all paid for our sins.

 

I spend five years dreaming and then one day I open my eyes and there he is. The anger just floats down deep inside of me. I try and keep it up with him but who was I kidding. He was my future there was no chance I would stay angry. The last memory of him was happy. I didnt know he was betraying me I just remember kissing him goodbye and thinking of the future. I am still in love with him, there is no question about that. Which is why poor Tommy no matter what he did, no matter how much I loved him, he never stood a chance. When some dies you don't stop loving them, you just bury it deep down inside of you. My love for Tommy was always built on my love of Oliver.

 

For a night I forget I was ever angry. Ollie is back with me and everything is how it is supposed to be. Than Tommy is dead and the anger is back. Except this time it is me I am angry at. No one else is to blame. Let’s be honest I can never stay angry at Oliver, not when he is alive and well. So I blame myself and drink till the anger goes away, just like the dreams use to do. 

 

Sara is the wildcard. She is my sister but there has always been this unspoken fact we want what the other has and will compete till our last breath. Again though after lashing out for a moment my anger doesn’t last at her. It is me who apologizes. Suppressing emotions is what I am good at.  
How can the anger last anyway, when your sister dies in your arms, she is absolved of all sins. 

 

Who killed her takes possession of her sins and my anger. I will kill that person who is responsible for my sister’s death. I will honor my sister by taking up her mantra. To honor her but also because I am tired. Tired of pretending I am not angry, pretending it doesn’t take every effort to breath normally. 

 

Canaries are bright and beautiful. Everything my sister was, even though she never believed it. Bright though is not what I am. Anger is what I am. That is what has always driven me to keep going. Black is the only color that can represent that anger. Even red is too vibrant. I let the darkness in and consume me. Too much loss and too much anger will never let the darkness out. Black is comforting.  
I am the Black Canary. You may doubt that or not believe in me but you should fear me. 

Anger never goes away it just makes easier to breathe.


End file.
